When couples marry and have a family, they do not intend to end up having to parent separately. However, oftentimes when a marriage or de facto partnership is dissolved, parents find themselves parenting both on their own, and in cooperation with someone that they no longer live with, or are intimately involved with. While parenting on your own allows you to have the sole discretion when it comes to making decisions for your children, co-parenting requires that you continue to cooperate with your child’s father or mother when making decisions about the welfare for your children.
In many instances, the law and your divorce agreement will require you to work together effectively to continue to raise and parent your children. This is called co-parenting. Co-parenting can be difficult but with some insight and cooperation, the experience can be easier for everyone.
In addition, and in almost all instances, the law and your divorce agreement will require both parents to have an equal right to make medical, educational and daily living decision for their children. Some divorced parents are able to do this easily. Other families require more assistance and may even require a written legal document that specifically outlines how some of these decisions will be made.
The Challenges of Co-Parenting
While no one wants co-parenting to be challenging, it often is. In many instances, the two parents find that their ideas as to how best to parent their children, differ. These differences can be small and easy to compromise on, or they can be significant and cause great strife for both the parents and the children. Some of the areas of co-parenting that are difficult when parents are determining the best way to raise their children include;
- Difficulty creating consistency around daily living rules including; morning waking and bedtimes, chores, eating habits, eating choices, responsibilities surrounding school work, homework and free time.
- The types of extracurricular activities children will participate in and who will pay for these activities and who will be allowed to attend these activities; including if parents will agree to attend these activities separately or be present together.
When children have differing expectations in these areas, between two different homes and two different parenting styles, it can create a great deal of tension between the parents. In addition, the inconsistency can make it difficult for children to understand what is regularly expected of them.
How Can Parents Reduce These Challenges?
There are several approaches that can be taken to reduce these challenges and create more consistency between yourselves, as parents, and for your children. Some of these options include;
- Talk with each other on a regular basis about what the expectations of each household will be
- If a decision needs to be made, check with your previous spouse or partner and ask them what their preferences are with regard to the decision that needs to be made
- Be willing to listen to the point of view of your children’s other parent and incorporate their desires, when possible
- Do not allow your children to pit you against one another, or turn to you if the other parent has already said no, in an effort to get a different decision
- Be in regular communication regarding scheduling for school attendance, special events, holidays and birthdays
- Make consistent decisions regarding who will spend time with the children on a daily basis and for special activities
- Share time with your children as equally as possible so that your children have time with both of you
- If possible try to attend important events together so that your children can see you interacting cooperatively
In the instance that parents cannot actively and successfully co-parent the court will step in and assist the parents in learning how to effectively co-parent. The court might require parents to attend counseling sessions or group sessions or informational classes on how to effectively co-parent. These resources can be very valuable and, if the court mandates parents to attend these sessions, it is strongly encouraged that you do so.
In the event that you find yourself in need of assistance, please contact the law offices of Owen Hodge Lawyers. At Owen Hodge, we are always happy to assist clients in understanding the full ramifications of any and all of your legal needs. Please feel free to call us at your earliest convenience to schedule a consultation at 1800 770 780.